Things I’d Like Peter To Learn the Easy Way

The following are things I learned in childhood the hard way, and I’d like Peter to not have to follow in his dad’s footsteps.

1. Scraping your knee on the sidewalk while wearing shorts does not feel good.
2. Orthodontists lie.
3. Rose gardens are flammable.
4. The human foot isn’t necessarily flammable, but it can burn.
5. If you bury a time capsule with stuff you’ll want back a week later, make a map of where you buried it.
6. Whenever you feel nauseous in a car, ask for the car to be pulled over.
7. Keep your feet away from horses’ feet.
8. Little girls with crushes are dangerous – especially when armed with sporting goods.
9. Being hit by a car sucks.
10. Water parks are fun, but severely sunburnt shoulders aren’t.

Sure, some of them are easy, common-sense things (who would actually believe anything an orthodontist says???), but others require a certain real life experience for the truth to become evident. Amorous girls with golf balls would be a perfect example of the latter.