back to school...

Last night we attended the birthing class at the hospital. The topic of the day was Medical Interventions. So we were shown a video going over medications, epidurals, suction extraction (the last thing I want to hear while my wife is in labor is the whine of a vacuum’s motor), episiotomies (ugh! Why???), and so on. Our plan is to have Peter delivered naturally, via Hynobirthing, with no drugs, scalpels or household appliances involved. Peter’s Mom was not digging the video. And when the examples of medical devices that could be used were passed around they didn’t get much of an examination by us. And if I could have voiced the “Aaaaaagh!!!!” that was in my head when the description of the insertion of the in-utero fetal monitor… Well, at least the guy next to me was just as squeamish.

After the discussion of anesthesia, we tried out labor positions in a studio down the hall. We had to wear clothespins on our finger or ear to emulate labor (or something like that) while doing the positions. I’m assuming when the birthing comes we will be required to wear clothespins again. It must be the new thing. After the labor positions we had a relaxation exercise (that sounds like an oxymoron, but I digress). Everyone gets quiet and comfy while the instructor reads a script about waterfalls and limp limbs. Meanwhile, the guy next to us can’t shut up all the while; yammering on, “quietly” of course, to his wife or girlfriend while everyone else is quiet and relaxed (or trying to be). I saw him later in the parking structure getting into his car (passenger side, mind you) while talking on his celphone and smoking a cigarette. Not to sound like the Surgeon General, but I don't think it's a good idea to be smoking in a sealed-up car with your very pregnant wife/girlfriend. Am I wrong about that?