The Enemy

You see it there, proud and defiant. Sometimes it teases you, playing its game of hide and seek - out one second, in the next. It is the booger, and there is no safer haven for it than in a baby's nose.

 

Your child is being adorable and you quickly grab you camera. You have the makings of the greatest homemade portrait ever created, except there's a big green nasty sitting in the middle of your child's face. You think you can just flick it away, but your little boy has studied Kung Fu in his free time and can deflect your attempts at getting at his nostril with the greatest of ease. You grab a tissue to try and get at it, but your son contorts like a Chinese acrobat and his nose gets buried behind the back of his knees. And even if you're lucky enough that the kid is asleep, you find the booger is actually made of some polymer epoxy concrete substance that would have held the space shuttle together in re-entry had NASA realized the gold mine that is the infant's nose.

 

And so thus it is that Peter's mom can complain that in all the parenting books she's read, not one has made any mention of dealing with boogers. Oh sure, you can use saline drops and a turkey baster jammed up the schnoz when you're dealing with a newborn. But Peter is not a newborn, and he makes Bam Bam Rubble look puny in comparison. Thus, we are stuck.

 

 

 

And did I mention he really can spray out a lot of spit when he sneezes?